Feeling better means getting back to work means having less time to do the things I’ve come to realize are SO important to me.  And so it is with blogging.  I’ve felt real good this week, and have been back to work AT work most of the days.  When I picked my kids up the other day after school and took them shopping for some new jeans (they just keep growing for some reason…the kids, not the jeans), we got home after our usual dinner hour and I was exhausted. Oh yea, and that morning D and I did our walk at O’dark:30.  Pretty much useless, I ate the great meal B prepared, and crashed in the recliner, a puddle of mush.  Yesterday I worked another whole day and thus, I decided to work from home today…but not until after the chiropractor, food shopping and a nice ski with D and our goofy and swell canine companions.

Growing hair is a very serious business.  I think the next baby I see I will appropriately hail them for their hard work!  Now that I have a little more than a 6 o’clock shadow, I’m antsy for more…MORE…MORE!  I never even thought about the process probably because A (our first child) had about 2 inches of hair when she was born and with E, the poor neglected second child, I don’t think I observed as much about the fuzz as I did other things.  So this brand new hair is really funky and has started to have a mind of its own.  I can keep my hats off in the car as long as the heater is on and at home, much of the time, if I’m close enough to the fire or the wood stove (or having a hot blast).  It’s liberating, truly.  I must remind myself that it could all fall out tomorrow, though not the usual outcome of Taxol as a second round chemo drug, apparently.

B has referred to Taxol and radiation as the suspenders part of treatment.  I feel I’m somewhere in the bog of life between “Oh man, at least this isn’t as swampy as it was earlier.” and “Hey, is that high ground over yonder?”  I just keep walking, just keep moving, just keep trudging, just keep laughing, just keep resting, just keep waking to face each day.  SO another character that could give you a sense of who I am is  ‘Dory’ in FINDING NEMO.  She endears the hearts of some viewers and annoys others.  BUT her  “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming….”  song keeps coming to mind as I move throughout my day like when I still catch myself saying “wow this is really happening” as I glance my fuzzy head in the rear view mirror.

I cannot / will not spend a lot of time dwelling on what we have been through over the past 4-5 months.  Nor am I spending much time thinking about a reoccurrance, no more than I would wonder about getting hit by a bus each day.  I no longer feel like I have breast cancer, but I  am reminded every day by one thing or another.  My body is my body and I think I’ve adjusted as much as I can at this point.  I’m feeling really good still about the decision not to do any reconstruction as I continue to heal and regain my flexibility.  I feel waiting on reconstruction has given my body time to heal from one thing.  I have not been wearing many layers because of the hot blasts I am getting several times a day.  My usual turtle neck and sweater winter wear is still in the trunk in our bedroom.  I’m wearing one layer, often just a long sleeved cotton shirt, and have felt fine about my body.  It is like I’m not even thinking about it any more.  As I’ve said before, I suspect this will resurface in the spring / summer when I wear my bikini everywhere I go.

So in the area of how I’m doing on Taxol after 5 infusions,  I’m definitely feeling the extra dryness in my skin that is more than just winter.  I’m not feeling tingling at this point in fingers or toes, but am asked that every time I go for the infusion. It is a side effect that I am taking very seriously as neither I nor our oncologist want permanent damage from these suspenders.   My several times daily application of skin cream entails pretty rigorous rubbing to stimulate circulation and keep my nerves alert (my words).  My nasal passages are still like the desert.  I have caught a cold this week, but it feels normal for a cold.  I am tired and am intentionally laying low this weekend.