I intended to publish this last night, but lost my server…so I’m putting it up early this morning.  Happy December everyone.

Life has felt very simple and normal these past few days.  Our Thanksgiving was really fun with friends, terrific eats and lots of laughter.  At this point I have an appetite, and can taste everything.  My sensitivity to hots and spicy is a thing of the past for now.   Bring on the jalapenos and zippy mustard.  I can even TASTE my favorite jasmine tea which lost its’ luster around cycle 2.  (That was REALLY a bummer.)

Life after surgery is going ok.  I only have a band aid now over the hole where the drain exited.  I’ve noticed a slight bruising of sorts where the drain traveled in a “C” from my arm pit around to my sternum and down to my lower ribs at my side where the exit hole is.  The most difficult movement right now continues to be that snow angel wing movement.   I have been putting my hand behind my head when I read or lie down.  Even that is a challenge, but I can feel the changes every day, thankfully.  When I open my center by pulling my shoulders back, I feel great and can breathe deeply.  I can do some modified yoga stretches with my arms.

I speak about admiring everyone’s endurance, the love, support, calls, cards, prayers, which are all still coming on strong.  I see what I THINK is wear and tear on B who has had his sights on me and our kids with such intensity since August.  He is doing this his way,  “pickin’ em up and puttin’ em down” as he said in his entry back in October.  He does what is in front of him.  Right now I feel so much better, have more energy and tend to start bouncing around , sort of like a Tigger in Pooh’s clothing, and he’s exhausted some times….  I have to use restraint which can be hard for me,  to observe the space he needs.  Even though I’m working a lot more, I’m doing it from home most days, so I can lose myself in the fire’s glow, or spend some time with a kat or two or three, or I can see that the bird feeder needs more seed, or lie down for a quick little rest ANY TIME.   I have long periods of time where no one is asking anything of me, I am nourished by silence and am working at my own pace whether it is work-working, or healing work.

I guess today I kinda felt  like a puppy, wagging my tail at the end of the day when B came in after a long day away.  (Those of you who know us well will have NO problem visualizing that scene…especially with my new groovy colorful hat with the purple bells.)  This morning he woke and took A to work out together before school at O’dark:30.  He dropped her off at school and went to work, and did his usual noon workout.  He left work at 4:30, picked A up from wherever and came home.  He ate dinner and went out at 6:30 to be a scout master for some 15-20 young men in our town until 8:30.  He may argue that he is not “exhausted”, maybe it’s me whose exhausted watching him do his thing.

It felt good to serve my family a home cooked meal (enchiladas are challenging for me and I keep trying new ways to get them so they are not just a pile of yummy mush…if any one has a tip, please share!)  It felt good to get HIM the hot water bottle for his HAM of a hamstring that just won’t quit.  It felt good to LEAVE HIM ALONE when he decided he needed to go to bed before me (quite rare).  Of course, being the me that I am,  I’ll sneak an ultra warm snuggle when I finally quit, so the longer I put off going to bed, the warmer it will be under those covers.

What’s my point?  I guess my point is just as B has had to do what he could do for me during all this, he could not take away what was mine to do.  He has his own row to hoe in this breast cancer trail that we’re on, his own horse to ride.  I can’t do it for him, but I can be nurturing when I have it to give and I can observe his needs and respond accordingly, if I can control my Tigger-Poohishness.   Even with that challenge, I’m so happy that I am experiencing this today.