It was nice to be home with B today.  We took a nap, had lunch with a friend, and chilled for most of the day.  I did some work from home.   I made the mistake of going to pick up the kids from school and doing a couple small errands.  While I loved doing something normal and giving B time to himself, I had no business being on the road.  My range of motion is not good enough for driving, nor is my ability to drive a standard transmission with one arm in partial functioning mode.  With A driving on a permit, she is observing everything about our driving, and I was not setting a good example for her.  It WAS good to get out, but even better to get home.  I’ll let others drive for a while, no problem.  I also felt very vulnerable without a big pillow draped over me.  Just the idea of stopping short or something made me twinge.  Alas.

The stampede continues.  The food is coming in as though we were having a drive for hunger.  Those of  you from afar can rest assured, that we are WELL taken care of here.  Wanna come to Maine for dinner sometime SOON??  The love has flooded our lives and we are buoyant in the sea of support.  Another angel friend nurse visit today, and the incision looks beautiful.  It is draining less than yesterday which is good.  The surgeon called tonight with no pathology report.  She told me that they are being extra attentive to the chemo affects on the cells and reported that the huge effect seen on the MRI is being confirmed.  They want to be very thorough and we are ok with this.  We will learn about it either Monday or Tuesday.  Angel nurse recommended that we find out if they sent this out for analysis or not.  If not, we should request a second opinion.  I assumed from what the surgeon said that they were sending it out to an independent lab, but I did not ask specifically.  Together we can do what we cannot do alone.  Thanks S for that advice.

There are times when I STILL think that this is surreal.  Is this really happening?  I never imagined being the one going through this.  How could I or anyone else?  These thoughts are not sad at this point, but observations at a point in time.  I feel so connected today, and so when I remember to empty the drain, or when I look down at my new body, I am reminded that life goes on, and I can feel ok in spite of what we’ve been through.  My energy is ok.  I tire at the end of the day, imagine that.  I am laughing, and cracking jokes in very poor taste with some.  I am feeling like the glass is neither half full nor half empty.  It’s actually very full.  Please understand that I don’t like this.  I still don’t like not having hair and having a cold neck.  I don’t like the fact that my left breast is now smooshed on a bunch of slides in a lab.  I don’t like the idea of waiting with baited breath after every scan from now on.  I do like the idea of putting most of this behind us.  What I will keep in the fore is the community that has come to life before my very eyes.  The expressions of love and affection.  The random acts of kindness.  The living in the moment.  What more do any of us have?