I have thought a lot lately about children and how they deal with cancer of a loved one or their own cancer and treatments.  A and E, our sweet children, have been troopers.  Being 15 and 13, they are appropriately self focused.  They are willing participants when we need to talk about decisions regarding my treatments or their care when we are not available.  We are giving them as many choices as possible so they can feel somewhat in control.  I’ve been feeling pretty good of late, and it all seems like normal life here at home for now.  With regard to the medical side of things, they want information and will tell us when they have enough.  They do not like to talk about it, of course.  And as E so eloquently posted back during the 2nd round of chemo, dwelling on it does no one good. 

I’m grateful to have some understanding of the developmental needs of a teenager.  As such, I am not always happy about it, but I’m thrilled at the same time that our kids are wrapped up in their lives.  They check in enough, are affectionate enough, and I/we even get double plus good time with them enough.   They could do more dishes, I suppose.  They are each coping in their own ways and they are keeping up with excellent grades, sports, activities and friends.  I know they take the lead from B and I, and we are doing well through this together.  We have gratitude that A and E have come to live with us for a time.

I don’t remember if I shared a story from Tucson about a young girl “T”.  I’ve looked back, but cannot seem to find it.   So I’m sharing some of the story from my journal.  I was with my redwood sister S and we were indulging in all of the water activities at the fancy resort where I was staying.  (We call ourselves the redwood sisters because over20 years ago a mutual friend/colleague said we had to meet mostly because we were both tall with red hair.  It was love at first sight.) We had just left the “lazy river” and went into the hot tub, around 8 pm under the stars.  This was right after I was given my diagnosis, before any treatments.

We were joined by a family of 4.  A boy of probably 4 with a blue bathing suit with red lobsters all over it came in right next to me.  I flirted with him about the lobsters.  His older sister and mom came in next.  Sister could not have been older than 10.  I had seen her shaking her skinny booty with Sponge Bob at the event at the lazy river, and said as much.   Dad joined as well.  Serendipity is a wondrous thing.  This family was from Arizona.  They had been granted a weekend here by the make a wish foundation.   T had some kind of cancer and had finished the treatments probably a few months ago. (her hair was very short, it looked like a really cute pixie cut).  She was proudly wearing an employee name tag from the resort, with her name on it.  Her brother had a cup of cold water and poured it in the hot tub and we pretended it felt cold.  He started pouring hot tub water over our heads when his dad discouraged further activity.  He was really cute.  We told them about us.  The boy thought it was cool that a boy from AZ with lobsters on his bathing suit was in a hot tub with someone from ME. 

We also found out that the big wish was for a white horse.  Apparently T was asked to make another wish and her persistence on the equine (ok, how about a pony?  Ok, how about a foal?) paid off.  She was about to get her horse for one year.  So, how about this? My friend S is a cancer survivor who is really into horses.  She told them as much and that the cancer has not returned for 12 years.  Dad spoke briefly about the process of treatments and how brave his girl was through it all.  Mom and S talked about horses and stuff they would need.  It was delightful.  The girl just mentioned slight reference to her treatments, but was so focused on the fact that the horse was coming in October.

T had her family supporting her all the way.  She was so cavalier and made reference to ‘the time when (she) still had (her) port’ just as a reference as she was going on and on about her wish for a horse and other interesting things. 

As I think about my reaction to chemo, I wonder how the heck children, (and elders or those whose bodies are compromised for other reasons), COPE with the negative side of the chemo drugs.  How do children make sense in their child minds of what cancer means to them?  Do they even try?  It does not even have to be cancer.  I learn so much from our kids, from their friends, our nieces and nephews and from the children I am fortunate enough to encounter in my life.  They certainly have a lot to teach me.  I think from birth children are “G.O’s” until something changes that.

A friend send the following link to me a couple weeks ago.  Everyone I’ve showed it to had a reaction to it, and B suggested I include it, so here it is.   Thanks so much M for sharing it with me.