Today I went for a Post Op Camisole fitting…it’s a sexy garment that I get to wear after surgery until the drain comes out.  Talking with others who have been through surgery, the improvements over the years caused a bit of camisole envy I think.  There’s even a pocket for the drain.  The “fitta” was really swell.  With 25 years of experience, I felt in good hands.  It was a 20 minute ordeal, covered by insurance…and I learned that new undergarments, if I need / want them, will be reimbursable as well by insurance.  Well worth the almost 3 hours of travel.  I felt like a big girl.  I actually went to this appointment on my own.

I have the fortune to have wonderful women who are nurses in my support group.  Some of them have lined up for the first 5 or so days post op to pay me a home visit, check me out in my new lingerie, and make sure everything is doing what it is supposed to be doing.  This gives B some professional lenses to look through, and I think he is relieved about this.  That’s so important to me.   They didn’t even blink (well I didn’t see them actually) at my request.

Speaking of B.  This time of year, especially hunting season, is a time of rejuvination for him (my words).  Something happens when he is out in the woods that nourishes him.  He takes a lot of time off from work and goes out just before first light.  He comes home tired, smelly and content…usually with some stories to tell.

I have been excited because it is his time to get away and not be thinking about breast cancer.  SO hunting season started Saturday.  He left the house at 6 AM or so.  At 9:00 he called me to tell me he filled his tag.  I asked why he did it so soon.  He said he had “to focus on breast cancer”.  I said “you better get your arse out in the woods this month or I’ll lock you out of the house”.  What do I do with this guy??

Phase 2:  As chemo ended and talk of surgery begins, I have found myself contacting other women who have been through this.  The 5 I have spoken with thus far have been more than eager to share their stories, and listen to the choices we have made.  I’ve been eager to hear about what they were thinking and feeling during the whole process, and how they feel now about their choices.  When they have said that they think we are making the right choice, I cannot tell you what a relief it has been.  When I talk with these women and they nod their heads, I KNOW they KNOW what I’m trying to say.  This type of support when I’m feeling like I’m in a sea of my own is so grounding for me.  Because of their journey, my journey has been made easier.  They did the clinical trials upon which my providers are drawing to help us make the best decision.  In speaking with one of my nurse friends, she said “if you didn’t make that choice, I would have been bouncing up and down inside and would have figured a way to tell you my concerns…”.

I am having a hard time finding the words to express what it’s like to have people care about me and us so fiercely.

Today I have felt as close to normal as I have in a long time.  I’m still tired after about 3pm.  I am still taking time to rest.  I’m choosing to work from home instead of in the office most of this week, and not working more than 20 hours.  My throat does not hurt any more.  I have patches of dry itchy skin that are eased with skin cream.  THIS I can manage….and we don’t meet with oncology again until the 24th.  If every day I feel better, maybe I’ll have the stamina to hear about the next phase when it’s time.  My eye is on the ball.