Today was the first time I went with my mom to chemo.  I wasn’t sure what to expect but nothing surprised me. All we did was sit in a room and wait for the process to be completed. Even though there wasn’t much to do, I pictured in my mind that the red liquid being put into my mom’s body, changing into the strong brown rope lassoing the untamed cells. This thought came to me as I remembered the picture my mom drew.

          We were stationed in window seat in the chemo room. The panorama of the rolling hills, and the sunny sky was a reminder that my life would sometimes be one of those hills with one steep up hill side, and one sloping side. But which side was which, sloping, or up hill. This depended on our thoughts, if we just thought that this situation was stupid and then, poof, it would be gone is definitely the wrong idea. But we could also think that, yes, it is stupid but being prepared and aware is the most important thing to do. I choose the down hill : being aware and prepared.

          The chemo suite was a huge part of the building. I think there were about 25 stations where people were being treated. I looked around and saw young people, and elderly people. I thought, why is there so many people here? Why should anyone have cancer at any age? Why should there even be a word, cancer? The last person I ever would have thought to get cancer, was my mom. And somehow she feels in the best shape physically than any other time in her life. I think that it isn’t just physical health. Mental health is, I believe more important that physical health. I think that since my mom is being very confident in herself, that her mental health is the biggest of the two.

            Whenever my mom’s friends and even our family, ask me what I think of this situation, I am at a loss for words. Somehow I don’t think I have any thoughts but as I go to empty them with drawing and writing, I realize that I haven’t done much of it. Should I be more focused on thinking about this, instead of trying to make it seem as though our lives are normal? What I try to do is to not let it eat me up by thinking about it too much. I don’t let it thrive on my thoughts and basically suffocate me. If I do have thoughts I sometimes communicate with my friends. I think I communicate well with my friends because I guess we understand each other well, and also that we may have something in common. By telling my friends, I have realized that some of their loved ones also have had or have cancer. I think by telling them, I feel more confident to share my thoughts with others, not just friends.

            This does suck, but that’s not going to change anything by complaining. The down hill is much easier to walk on than the up hill. Also telling myself that it sucks over and over again is a part of mental suffering. Having mental health is more important than physical health so that I stay healthier than ever before. But having physical health is important too, because walking up a hill is sometimes a lot of work.