I woke this morning, pretty much every part of me ready for the day except for my eyes.  I realized this as I was driving to work.  They just felt better closed than open.  I’m a little more booked at work than I was a few weeks ago, preparing for yet another new staff person.  Thus, my schedule is less flexible in the mornings.  I thought twice about whether I wanted to just turn around or proceed.  More and more I am hearing squeals of delight as my cheerleaders observe my hair growth.  I’ve shed the scarves and am wearing cotton watch caps curled up over my ears and my hair is peeking out everywhere.  If I were asked to describe the way I look “elf” would come to mind.  I’m truly enjoying it.  If SOMEONE ELSE were asked to describe the way I look, well…who knows what they’d say.

I chose to go to work, and made it to most of my appointed meetings on time.  More and more I’ve vowed NOT to do business on the phone while I’m driving, but today I had two orders of personal business to tend to and I just didn’t know when I’d get them done.  SO I accomplished that on the way to radiation.  When I got there I was really quite happy to put myself in the cradle and close my eyes.  The radiation therapists were wonderful as always and we spoke of gardening.  They voiced incredible compassion when they saw how purple an area under my arm had gotten.  One of them asked what I was using for ointment and I told her Silvadene.  She said “Oh good, put it on like frosting!”

Incidentally, Dr. Radiation Oncologist prescribed Silvadene last week and instructed that I use it until our follow up 4 weeks after radiation ends.  This is the ointment that some burn victims use to prevent infection and promote healing of severe burns.  I’m happy to say that my skin is not broken yet, just very red and tender.  Dr. R.O. instructed me to put the salve on like lotion, maybe a little more, but not a thick frosting.  It does feel better when I apply it. 

After radiation, I had my weekly meeting with Dr. R.O. who was just so pleasant.  After receiving such nurturance from the R.T.’s and hearing his encouraging words (title) I felt like I kinda woke up in the land of happy people.  I suddenly remembered a question I wanted to ask him but kept forgetting.  “If someone had reconstruction at the time of the mastectomy (an expander), do any complications arise with radiation?”  My understanding of his answer is this:  it can cause problems and result in more plastic surgery.  Basically one issue can be that the skin tightens due to radiation.  (I can attest to that, for sure.) If an expander is put in for the purpose of reconstruction, the effects of radiation can complicate the process of skin expansion.  Like me, some women may not know if radiation is in the picture at the time they are making a decision about mastectomy and reconstruction.  I’ve spoken to enough women to know that some of us just want something in the place of the removed breast after mastectomy.  This might prevent further inquiry about the possibility of radiation and how this could effect the skin expansion process in preparation for an implant.

I still feel very very good about my/our decisions.  I can really empathize with those who choose immediate reconstruction.  I hope anyone faced with this very difficult decision is fully informed about the possibilities for their own treatment regime, to the degree that this is possible.

SO in addition to this conversation, Dr. R.O. and I  spoke about the last bunch of treatments.  Tomorrow through Friday they will focus on my clavical and scar, and the last 4 treatments next week are solely on the scar using the form they identified in the last verification.  That means TODAY I received the last rays to the whole quadrant.  SO some of me is moving into recovery mode as of tomorrow.  YEEEHAAWWWWWWW.  GiddyUP girl!

We briefly spoke about the fact that effects continue up to a month after radiation at which time I should start feeling an upswing in the energy department, gradual though it may be.  I mentioned our summer plans to go to Alaska and he said it is a place he would love to live, but, like Maine, there just isn’t radiology in places like Sitka.  I told him if I ever needed radiation again, I’d send for him, even if I happen to be in our Last Frontier.  As much as I truly enjoy him, I hope I never have to call upon him when our follow up visits are over.

I drove home grateful for Dr. R.O., grateful for the Radiation Therapists, nurses, grateful for Dr. O., my favorite nurse K, the volunteers.  These people save lives and make those lives that cannot be saved more pleasant through their dedication and kindness.  I remembered that my eyes were tired and pulled into my driveway and closed them for a moment or 2.

When I approached the porch this is what I saw:

Another angelic delivery.  They have been swarming again.  Several days each week for the past 3 or 4 weeks.  Someone shows up right around supper time, or a dessert and bouquet of daffodils magically appears on the counter in our kitchen.  Something as simple and comforting as chicken rice soup or as decadent as goat cheese lasagne and tirimisu.  We are loved.  We have had people running a 9 month marathon with us, hiking a mountain with switchbacks around every corner, praying for us, singing songs with us, reading along, laughing and crying with us, supporting us in silence.

I’m tired tonight.  Dinner is heating up.  7 more treatments to go.