I met with a radiation oncology nurse for radiation ed.  We reviewed most of what I’ve already gone over, and she gave me my schedule of 33 treatments.  They wanted me to start the day after, but I’ve planned 3 workshops and a trip to NY for before radiation begins, so they decided to push it to next Tuesday.  They don’t want me to miss two days with only two days under my belt.  If I were on day 20 and missed 2 days, apparently, that would be more allowable.  It was funny, as she looked at me with her coiff and gently made up eyes and said “you know there are free wigs available in the boutique…” and I gratefully declined, showing off my hair growth…She said “you do have a nice shape to your head and face and can pull (the scarf thing) off.”  She then told me about the 2 hour session available to go over make up tips and that I would even get to take some high-end products home free of charge.  I just raised my invisible eyebrows and smiled at her.  I’ve never been one to use many ‘products’.   This nurse respected that enough for us to get by during that part of the conversation.  I remember Mom asking me on my wedding day if I wanted just a little blush before the ceremony.  I was walking around the house with her wedding dress on and my birkenstocks.  I think she felt naked FOR me for a minute there…but as we walked up the isle, she and Pop on my arms, we were all aglow, some of us au naturale.

A diversion: I still am glad I chose not to wear a wig, and that I’m not making eyebrows where there are hardly any.  It’s all just NOT me to do that.  Everyone has to make their own choices here.   I feel proud that I can walk around with one side flat where a breast used to be without feeling self conscious most of the time.  It’s not that I want to be ‘in your face’ with my changes.  For me it is just about evolving with my body changes naturally, growing into my body.   If and when I decide I want to do something about whatever, I’ll do it.  I’m aware that I go over this ground from time to time as situations arise.  I’m glad that I can feel content enough in this area.  I have one of my favorite scarves on today and love the way it drapes over my shoulders.  My book group met yesterday and there were FOUR bottles of champagne among 8 of us…I think we left one bottle untapped…they helped me celebrate the last chemo, my hair growth, moving along on this trail.  I wore my cowgirl boots for the celebration.  They commented on how soft my hair is and rubbed my head as I purred and we laughed.  (we really did talk about our book too…really!)  They, among many others, help me more than they know.

I went into one of the two radiation rooms at the center.  It’s all state of the art, as the center just opened maybe a year or two ago.  They found my ‘cradle’, the mold / pillow that was made to fit my shoulders, head and arms above my head.  I settled into it and once again the drape was down to my lower ribs and my tatoos were aligned with the lasers.  The radiation machine can rotate around the whole ‘bed’ and catch me from all angles.  It seems that everything lined up well.  The ceiling tiles are black with holes in them, and the stars looked like they were shimmering.  It was very soothing.  The xrays were taken to identify my “boney structure”.  It looks like they will be positioning the rays from the sides, but I’ll know more Tuesday. 

About 3-4 weeks in, they will be doing something called a breast booster, where they use an existing template to fit my scar.  They will make a new one if there is not one already that fits the shape of my scar.  They will spend about 7 days or so concentrating rays right around that site.  I’ll keep you posted on that one too.  They want me to use aloe and/or hydrocortisone on the skin to ease the breakdown, and I will meet with the radiation oncologist weekly to monitor the skin reaction.  I’ve communicated with my hearbalist and she is recommending something called “Ching Wan Hun”, so I’m going to go with that.  I can use my aloe plant until the jar comes in.  I am to put something on the site, my neck to my sternum to the auxilla and way over around to my back two times a day.  They caution the use of vitamin C and E above certain amounts as they don’t want anything to prevent the affected cells (if there still are any) from breaking down.

At first the idea of putting radiation off for a week was NOT what I wanted to do in my ‘keep on truckin’ mode, but I planned this trip to see my mom  when I was feeling well and before treatments began.  This was before I knew they were going to plan them right after the verification.  Seeing Mom is more important to me.  It’s been too long.  During our last conversation I let her know about the upcoming radiation, and that I was feeling really good.  I reminded her about my fuzzy head and she said:

 “Oh, did I know you lost your hair?” 

“Yea, Mom, do you remember that I came down at Christmas time?  You asked why I was wearing so many hats…”

“Oh yea, this brain of mine is for the birds.  Honey, you have made my day, my week, my year by telling me you are coming down.”

How could I pass up a visit with that angel-mom?