I left work early afternoon today. I just could not keep up. Came home and slept for like 4 hours or something, I don’t know. Something is going on in my left foot. I’m not sure if it’s a sign of “Taxol toes”, but I’m going to check with the oncologist before the next/last invasion. She may cancel the last treatment if she thinks it has anything to do with the effects of the treatment. I also managed to catch a slight cold.
I’m trying to orient a new staff member at work, and feeling sort of dazed at times. So I’m cutting back with work at the same time trying to corral the troops to give this person a decent orientation. It seems that working at home more often may be in order, which is fine with me.  I’m painfully aware of my decreasing earned time bank (my employer’s term for paid time off), and will just have to deal with it. That’s what savings accounts are for right?
A asked if I could take her to the city this weekend while B and E are camping. Normally we’d make the plan and go and have a fun time together. Today I had to say “Sure if I’m up to it”. It’s disappointing for both of us. When making plans now, I include the caviat regarding my energy.
I feel peaceful, but definitely am experiencing a different level of fatigue today. I think I’ll read for a while. See? Even Winnie the Pooh has days like this. Maybe some tea with honey too.
Is it harder to step outside your reality and “observe” your situation when you are having a down day? I am amazed at how you seem to maintain a level perspective even during the tougher times. I am trying to learn from your example.
LY,
R
Rapunzal let down your hair embrace the tired feeling, you’ll regroup, I know you will.
There are some days where I totally get caught up in the situation/feeling/sensation and there ain’t no observing goin’ on at that time. Sometimes it’s totally appropriate and understandable and sometimes it’s no fun for those around me. Like anyone, we can have insight in retrospect on those occasions. For me the practice of mindfulness has really helped me experience and step out more effectively. Progress not perfection, ya know? I recall a “sister-in-the-know” telling me to pay attention and to rest even when I may not feel like I need to. She cautioned about the weirdness of cumulative fatigue. You don’t necessarily feel tired one day, and you don’t necessarily do anything to tire yourself, but the next day you feel like Sponge Bob when he had “the suds”. (I wasn’t ever a huge fan, but this is my favorite episode.) He was just plain sick and when he sneezed all these bubbles popped out of his holes. Eventually he sat down in a chair, looking really ragged, and one of his eyes rolled out of the socket and landed in his lap. He sniffled, and put it back where it belonged. That’s what I felt like the other day. R, I don’t know what kind of example I am, but I do feel pretty steady most of the time, even if I feel like crap. Again, my family and people who have to be around me would have to attest to the accuracy of that statement! You know, I learn from our four legged friends who crawl under a bush and lick their wounds if they need to. And C, embracing the tired is exactly that! That’s a great way to put it. Thanks so much for your comments. LY2
I have been thinking about you a lot lately and went back to find B’s email with your blog address. After reading some of your stuff, I miss you all even more. When you are done with your treatments and are feeling more rested, we have to get together and play! Know we are sending healing thoughts your way.
Sylvia
Wow S, so good to hear from you. I miss you and your sweet family so, and totally agree that we need some play time. Please give our love to your man and sweet girls. It’s been too long.
Thank you for reading and for your comment. It means a lot.
Love and more love,
P