Not sure why boys need to get quite so specific, especially with someone else’s stuff (see post below). However, like pregnancy, breast cancer and treatment seem to shine a bright light on just about everything about my body, so what the heck. At first diagnosis I was saying ‘never have my breasts caused such a sensation’.  Now whomever reads this knows I have an exhaust system.
The phyiscality of it all gets tiresome. For someone who has gone through many, many years with a body that was not calling much attention to itself at all, I find the constant awareness of body a drag at times. Being able to laugh it off, especially after a heavy Sunday, is a blessing, I must say. Thanks B.
When pregnant, the attention was excited and so many people wanted to touch the orb. Now under the influence of chemo, so many have been willing to just let me rest my head on their shoulders at a whim. (like on the bleachers at a soccer game) I get compliments from the brave on my choice of doo rag. And then there are others who just think it is terrific that I’m even trying to be an active mom. Validation is such a cool thing. But darn the whole idea that medicine that is supposed to help me heal, is also ravaging through all of my body like a wildfire at times, so that I don’t even recognize normal things like hunger.
Stacking wood when one feels able is also a cool thing and can get the eye back on the prize and out of the discomfort of the moment. Thank heavens for silly boys and piles of split wood. Today is a better day.
I love you.
The dictionary says that medicine is “a substance used in treating disease”. My childhood definition was of something gentle and healing. Now I view it as adding a new chemical to a malfunctioning chemical reaction in the hope that the new reaction will be preferable to the previous one. I don’t think that there is pure good anywhere, it is more like optimization. And in your case it takes a long time to see the benefit. I can only imagine how you must get tired of dealing constantly with your bodily issues and the situation around the cancer. And how little diversions like stacking wood and enjoying someone’s affectionate gesture provide essential relief. I hope the poem I sent E today that deals with the joy of peeing in your back yard, also provides some relief.Mercifully, it’s timing may have prevented me from taking the fart discussion too far. Hang in there.
Love,
R